Modern driving can be stressful.
There are the hidden stresses that build gradually each time we drive - and the more obvious stresses that result from involvement in an accident or road-rage incident. then there are stresses that arise simply from getting lost or having a bad day at the wheel.
The cumulative effect of this driver stress and fear of driving can cause all sorts of discomfort in the lives of many people.
Driving is also a time for reflection ...
For many people it is the only time that they get to be alone - during these periods it's possible to reflect on life, the good things, the problems that come into all of our lives from time to time. For some people, the anxiety linked with these problems can attach itself to the driving task - it becomes 'cross wired'.
Fear of driving is in some respects a 'hidden problem' because people feel they should be able to cope, or that they are being 'silly', if they talk to friends they run the risk of the issue being dismissed as trivial. But fear of driving is very real and debilitating for the men and women who are affected.
If you feel that you have experienced or are currently experiencing a problem and want to find out how you might overcome it the information on this page can help. You might also want to look at out information about driving alone.
Use the links on the blue menu bar above to browse the Phobia pages.
Somehow, many people tend to think that we should be immune to all that surrounds us on the road; that we should not let 'road stress' creep into our lives.
Pressure from society or peers might cause those who can't sleep, or who have 'flashbacks' in which they re-live traumatic incidents might feel that they should 'pull themselves together'.
How do you start to explain to your friends and family... After all there are people with 'real problems' out there aren't there? Often people who suffer discomfort. Or delayed trauma, after a road incident feel alone. "I must be silly letting it affect me this way".
But you can gain some comfort in the knowledge that there are thousands of people who have problems that arose as a result of (or that were compounded by) an incident on the road. For example, a crash, a near miss, a child running out, an attack. If you are one of these people, you are not alone and there is help out for you.
Some people develop a driving phobia as a result of their experiences. Some phobias seem to have no apparent cause. Phobia. Flashbacks, loss of sleep, irritability, change of character, anxiety, a feeling of loss, hopelessness. These are some of the feelings that people have described to me. The good news is that you can move on.
'Driver therapy' can help you to gain confidence and a new belief that although the past is fixed in place now, your future is waiting for change.
Whatever your current position, its time to move forward. To gently let go of old, less useful, self limiting beliefs.
Using modern counselling methods combined with in car therapy you can get back on the road and get on with your life. Or perhaps all you need is a renewed belief in your ability behind the wheel. You will discover some links, and suggestions about where you might find help, later in this section.
Whatever problems you have had behind the wheel, you can move forward again.
Whether you need to recover from a past trauma, uncover the underlying confidence that is present in other areas of your life and apply it to driving, or discover a confidence that was never 'taught' when you you first learnt to drive, the starting point is understanding where you are now.
In simple terms there are three 'dysfunction' levels at which you might operate emotionally behind the wheel, these are:
Fear
Fear is a normal healthy response to unknown situations or situations where we perceive danger.
Some people with a driving fear will often worry before a drive but resolve to get on with it as soon as they are out in the car - often forgetting the fear because they are so engrossed in the driving task (if your fear is of other road users, see Driving Alone). Others will experience panic attacks for 'no reason' when out driving and find that they have to stop and take a break. Some will simply not drive at all.
Anxiety
Anxiety is classified in many different ways and has many symptoms.
Typically, driving anxiety develops when 'fearful' situations are avoided and then the developing fear is generalised into other situations. If you have had an anxiety reaction to driving as opposed to 'simple fear' (but nonetheless real) you will probably have experienced some debilitating symptoms such as sweating, tummy upset, hyperventilation, exhaustion, a lump in the throat, etcetera. Often just thinking about driving will bring on some, or all, of these symptoms.
Phobia
Phobia is a disabling mechanism. It protects you (sometimes totally irrationally) from your perceived danger.
Drivers who have developed phobias will have severe panic attacks and be unable to carry on with a particular drive, or indeed they might stop driving altogether. Phobias can develop as a result of a single trauma, perhaps a traffic accident, or can build up over time. Scientists are uncertain about the exact cause of phobias, there is evidence to suggest that some phobia response might be genetic, there could be cultural factors or simply life experience. There is no single cause of driving phobia.
A powerful skill: While many people consider phobias to be a sign of weakness, the opposite is probably true! The ability to automatically, and consistently avoid perceived danger is quite a powerful skill. When the skill can be better employed, 'normal' functioning can be restored.
The following advice is offered to assist you as you overcome your problems. The simple ideas suggested here often help in cases of fear and mild anxiety.
Some problems might need outside intervention, or in depth personal work (such as self-hypnosis) before you can approach a completely satisfactory result.
Before trying the measures outlined below, check that any physical symptoms are being dealt with by visiting your doctor. If you are on medication for anxiety (or any other disorder) check with your pharmacist that it is safe for you to drive.
The following areas are addressed below:
- Understanding your beliefs
- Self limiting beliefs
- Breaking the cycle
In simple terms, we make sense of the world around us because we hold 'beliefs'. That is, we believe certain things to be true and as long as those things remain true, everything is all right - or at least everything is as we believe it to be!
But this situation can be a long way from 'all right' - when our beliefs and truths get out of step with everyday reality.
You probably believe that when you go to sleep at night, you will wake up the next morning.
This is something you give little or no thought to, but , if it were not true you probably wouldn't be able to sleep.
Beliefs are normally formed by constant reinforcement - every time you have been to sleep you have woken up; each time you wake up your belief is strengthened.
You almost certainly believe that there is a thing called gravity that holds you down to the ground.
If you did not believe this you would tie yourself down with ropes and never move again; the fear of floating off into space would prevent you from moving!
Each step and every movement you make confirms that gravity exists - a constant reinforcement of your belief in gravity.
For some people, beliefs can be formed in a flash. This is sometimes called 'one trial learning'.
Phobias are often the result of 'one trial learning' after a motor accident. This type of self-limitation is so powerful that simply thinking about a situation brings on the symptoms of fear and anxiety - sometimes drivers get flashbacks and suffer 'post-traumatic stress disorder'.
Although outside help will probably be needed with strong 'one trial learning' induced phobias, you can unlearn as well as you learn. You can replace the problem behaviour with a more useful and fulfilling approach.
When our beliefs are useful they serve us well, for example, believing that we will wake up in the morning. But there are occasions when we develop less than useful beliefs. Knowing about self-limiting beliefs might not cause them to go away, but it will enable you to understand the process that perpetuates the problems you have experienced.
It is common for people who have experienced problems on the road to describe anxiety sensations when talking about driving; these include tension, fear, etc. So lets look at how these sensations help to reinforce the self limiting beliefs that have, up to now, prevented you from knowing that you can be the driver that you want to be.
Tension and belief
For 15 seconds, tense up your body - clench your fists, tighten every muscle in your body and hold the feeling so that it almost hurts - 15 seconds. Then relax...
Enjoy the sensation of letting all of the tension melt away allow each part of your body to relax in turn, from the top of your head, gently down though your shoulders and body and to the tips of your toes.
Now reflect on what happened when you were tensed up. Did you notice how, being tense 'cuts you off' from the world around you to some degree? How you have less awareness of what's going on when you are tense.
Try it again and notice whether this is the case.
The problemThe problems associated with tension and driving are as follows:
When you experienced tension behind the wheel, you restrict the amount of information that you gather about your surroundings Some of this information is essential for comfortable driving.
Mistakes, or wrong moves made because of the missing information reinforce your belief that you have been afraid of driving. This creates more tension.
A vicious circle!
The solution...Is to learn to remove the tension and gather appropriate information. This can be done with therapy and/or specialist driver training and/or by using self help relaxation methods.
Try this - 'Going inside' and belief
Take a minute or so to think about a holiday or other time in your life when you were really happy.
- Notice, first of all, all the things that you can see on that happy occasion; people, landscapes, seascapes, locations, whatever it is for you - experience the colour and depth of your picture, allowing it to develop...
- Then add to this what you can hear on that occasion; sounds, voices, loud, quiet, near, far, make the experience real. As if you are back there now...
- And notice the feelings ... Physical feelings, warm, cold, textures; emotional feelings - you keep these feelings safe inside and know them well...
Now. What happened to your awareness of the world around you as you drifted into your 'dream'? My guess is that, once again, similar to the 'tension' exercise above, you lost some awareness of your surroundings. A different cause, but a similar effect.
Where does 'going inside' fit in?
After a driving incident, or during a drive when you have felt uncomfortable, you will have 'gone inside' for a few moments, or longer.
This time rather than the full enjoyment of a pleasant memory, your brain will have presented you with Images, sounds and feelings of problem memories. Sometimes this happens so fast that all you are aware of is the resultant unpleasant feelings or a sense of confusion and panic - you are not consciously aware of the images, sounds and feelings that trigger the conscious state of panic or anxiety.
The net effect is loss of useful driving information and another vicious circle of belief reinforcement.
Some people are able to change the affects of their 'limiting belief cycle' for themselves by following the simple advice offered on this page. Others will benefit from a little outside help.
Although, in the past, I have helped many people break their limiting belief cycle through a combination of driver education and therapy, I am no longer able to pursue this work personally because of other commitments in my career. However, I can point you in the right direction. Remember - There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Learning to relax
One of the most effective ways of combating anxiety is to learn how to control your breathing. By learning slow, deep diaphragm breathing, you can slow down all the functions that promote panic.
The inability to relax has effects far beyond the driving seat.
Many people feel that the only time they are relaxed is when they are asleep. The truth is, even when sleeping they might not be fully relaxed. If you have suffered from anxiety, your body needs re-education in order to gain a normal relaxed state that will be appropriate for safe and efficient driving.
There is a lot that you can do to help yourself without any specific training. The links below, while general in their nature (i.e., not driving related) provide an excellent starting point as you move to overcome the problems that you have experienced.
This site has a lot of useful information, including explanations of how your brain makes causes you to experience anxiety - you will also find resource material for self help.
http://www.panicattacks.com.au/
This Australian site has useful information about anxiety management.This forum is aimed at helping people who have experienced phobic responses to a range of situations including driving.
Check out the web links referenced above before doing a driving fix. Make sure that you are able to take control by using simple relaxation techniques. Important note: This fix is not recommended for those who get a strong phobic reaction (i.e., the physical symptoms) when simply thinking about driving. If you suspect that this might be you, skip down the page).
Your starting point:
Your starting point for change is to shift your perspective by becoming aware of the things that you can do successfully in the car.
It might just be that you are able to sit in the driving seat and start the engine but dot go anywhere... That's a great starting point and anything else is a bonus. If you can drive (i.e., if you have passed a driving test) you can do some things successfully - even though your mind might be warning you against them!
Go for a drive:
If the thought of driving the car is too much for you, skip down the page.
In order to start recognising your successes, take a trip in the car simply to drive. You are going out for a drive, no other reason - just for a drive. The purpose of this exercise is to experience driving, not to go shopping, not to visit relatives, not to collect the kids. And you are going to do it alone.
This is best done at a quiet time... Early Sunday morning is ideal for starters - as soon as it's daylight when there is no one else around.
- Plan where you want to go. Round the block is fine. In fact it might be better to go around the block two or three times that to venture further afield.
- Don't drive more than 15 minutes walking distance away from home, or alternatively, follow a bus route that has a regular service. That way you know you can jump on a bus or walk home!(Even though you never will!).
- If your area causes a problem for you, get a friend to drive you out to a quiet spot - a country lane, a road near the beach, a quiet housing estate, wherever. Ideally you should then drive alone, however if this is not practical get your friend to sit quietly in the back of the car.
- No stopping to pop into the shop or visit a friend. Just go out with the sole aim of having a nice drive.
- Drive in five minute 'bursts' with a five/ten minute break between each.
- After each drive write down five things that felt good and two things that didn't.
- Figure out solutions or explanations for the two things that didn't feel good and then work on them as you do the next five minute drive.
- BE PATIENT - don't over extend yourself, build up gradually with short easy drives.
When you are starting to gain confidence (no matter how much or how little) from the exercise raise the challenge slightly by increasing the time by five minutes or by driving in a different location (you know where it is safe for you). The key to success is taking small, easy steps. Only stretch yourself a little bit each time you go out.
Unfortunately, although I would dearly like to help you personally, I am no longer providing direct practical assistance to drivers because of other business activities and am not able to offer personal advice (simply because of the volume of calls).
If none of the sources below are able to help, contact me by e-mail (john at smartdriving.co.uk) and I will endeavour to find an alternative solution through a network of known and recommended therapists and/or trainers (UK Only).
You might also like to visit the following web page for general background help and information about phobias.
In the USA contact:
Sy Cohn offers a range of help, including tapes and videos that can be shipped worldwide.
Another excellent approach to the area of driving problems is a therapy called 'Clean Language'. I don't currently have a list of therapist, however if you search for 'clean language therapy' on the web, some of the resultant finds may be able to help.
Can you help? There are many 'solutions' to be found on the internet, however, I suspect that many will not offer a lasting fix. If you offer help that has bee proven to be effective, or know of other therapists/trainers who specialise in this field (anywhere in the world) please contact me and I will add their links here.
Note: I have no connection, financial or otherwise with the companies/services referenced in this section. The references are offered purely as sources of help/information which I believe can be trusted.
Whether you don't drive at all and can barely look at a car, or if you drive sporadically and only when you have to, or even if you drive every day but still don't like doing so - then this is the book for you.
You may feel that you have a phobia, a deeply held fear or simply a niggling sense of unease that you want to conquer. This is a book for anyone who wants to step away from any fear of driving and towards becoming a confident driver instead.
The author is a former driving phobic who avoided driving for seven years but is now happily back on the roads and wants to help you get there too.
How to overcome fear of driving includes advice from many world-renowned professionals working with people with driving phobia and brings together all their combined knowledge of what will conquer this fear. It contains practical exercises you can do from home and a guided plan to get you driving again.
With the advice, understanding and practical exercises in this book, you can start your journey towards driving confidence.